My Fit Journey #6: Goals

December 6, 2015- I reached my goal. Thirty-five pounds lost.

December 10, 2015- I surpassed my goal by a pound.

I cried.

It took two days for me to tell anyone outside my immediate family. Not only was I shocked but I was so scared I would step on the scale the next morning and the number would have bumped up a little and I would no longer be at my goal.

172# on left-- 139# on right. Dropped 2 dress sizes.

Which is silly- because reaching a goal isn't the same as staying at that goal. No one ever said you stay at that goal. You reach a goal, you don't hold it. In fact, you're suppose to set your next goal.

And everyone knows that the new goal is "to maintain".

About which everyone has told me.... it's difficult.

Blech.

So I didn't tell hardly anybody.

Because I didn't want to be wrong. I didn't want to say I lost 35 pounds and a week later have gained one or two of them back.  I stepped on that scale every morning for a week and watched as that extra pound stayed gone.

And still I didn't share my big happy news.

Still I was scared this wasn't really real. I hadn't really done it.

I sometimes have some faulty logic.

Bare with me.

In forty-three weeks.... a week longer than the longest I was ever pregnant, I lost thirty-five pounds. I started this journey in February.... because, I told myself, my pants were too tight and if I had to buy new pants it was gonna be because I needed smaller ones not bigger ones. Vanity, yes. Motivation, yes. But only a wee bit--- I spent the first four months losing a pound or two and gaining it back. Lose it, gain it. Do it again. Blech. 

My rest spot after running. Gives me a beautiful view of the farm.

In May, I weighed 172 pounds. I had only successfully lost 3 pounds in four months. This was not progress. This was when the Lord nudged me to go on that first run.

Hindsight is helpful. Here's what I know:
I believe those first fourteen weeks were about changing my want-tos and adjusting my mindset. Those weeks were about finding and continuing to make the time to workout and train. They were about slowly learning to adjust my diet and about learning portion control. They were truthfully- mostly about the mental side of this journey. How badly did I want to do this? Was I going to be all in or only go halfsies? How dedicated was I planning to be? Would it be worth it? Really?

I am what you could term a "calculated risk taker". I weigh the pros and cons and look really hard at the possibility of failure and just how much failure that might be before attempting things. And the perfectionist in me says- if there is even a bit of a hint that I'll fail- don't do it. And I don't. Well, I didn't. 
But.... then I did. 
I think this was one of the scariest things I've ever attempted. Failure was a real possibility (and still could be). I'm a foodie and I sure wasn't known for any willpower with food. I'm not a quitter (stubborn yes, quitter, no.) and I knew starting this meant no "opting out" when I didn't like it anymore or when it ceased to be motivating or fun or just got too hard. 

After calculating risks and failure options and possible successes for a good week or so (all while the pants situation continued to make itself known), giving myself numerous pep talks and praying, lots of praying, I decided this had to be done. I also decided I wasn't going to put an expiration date on this journey.... none of this 35 pounds in 35 weeks or "I'll give myself a year to drop the weight". It took years to gain it, I needed to be realistic about giving myself the time and gifting myself some grace  to lose it. ---- God made it very clear that I was going to need grace, especially towards myself, as I set off on this journey. (more on that in another post, I think.) And having never done anything like this before-- never tried to lose weight, never tried working out or training, never having run.... I really had no idea how long this was going to take or how hard it would be.

So, how did I come to the conclusion that I needed to drop 35 pounds? Thirty-five put me about in the middle of my healthy BMI for my height and age. A worthy goal. It's also ten pounds more than I weighed when I got married at twenty (21.5 years ago). The realist in me knew I didn't need to weigh 130 lbs anymore and besides, I was going to be exercising regularly for the very first time in my life.... I would actually be building muscle and since muscle weighs more than fat.... a thirty-five pound weight loss seemed exactly appropriate as well as doable.

Back to those first 14 weeks into my journey- I didn't really share much about what I was attempting- just to my immediate family and a couple of close friends. And this was good. No one was pressuring me. I was making small adjustments on my own. I had the space and freedom to work at this at my own pace.

However this was also bad.

Because no one was pressuring me.

Go figure.

Here's what I realized- I needed an accountability buddy... which is my next post.

Thanks for hanging around and reading this. I appreciate it!

You can read about the whole fit journey thus far- just click "My Fit Journey".