Wednesday, April 2, 2014

Week 21 {Embrace the Camera}: Contradicting

I am a chaotic mix of contradictions.

I am excited.
I am sad.
I am energized.
I am worn clear through.
I am strong.
I am weak.
I am calm.
I am worried.
I am fearless.
I am fearful.


Our house inspection was yesterday.
Another hurdle crossed.
We haven't heard if we passed, so....
Everything can continue on as planned with the sale.
Or everything can come to a screeching halt.
Yes, our house is in good repair.
However, I cracked a window on the porch....
And we have an old carriage barn.... which, considering it's age is in good condition.
And

I'm borrowing trouble.

I ran into a lovely friend yesterday (who has walked this road with home inspections) and as we talked, I blurted out my worry to her. She consoled me and said she'd pray.
I asked if she'd pray with me right then and there- right where we were at.
She did.
[Side note: I am so blessed with prayer warrior friends who don't just say "I'll pray about that." but seriously do it.... and are immediate with it. This makes me mindful to do the same!]

I know I am borrowing trouble that is not yet mine and quite possibly won't be mine.
I must fight against this.
Which means I'm basically fighting against myself.... fighting against my propensity to gnaw and worry the "what if's".
I fight back with my only weapon....
With The Word.

When I am afraid, I will trust in you.
Psalm 56:3

Pray continually.
1 Thessalonians 5:17

And the verse I've continued to lean into since we put the house up for sale:

Be still, and know that I am God.
Psalm 46:10a

Truly, that's all I can do.... all I need to do.
However- it goes against my very nature to be still. I'm a wiggler, a do-er, a fixer.... constantly moving. I can't even take notes without doodling.
So, this is obviously a lesson I still need to be learning. Hence, God is still, continually teaching it to me- which makes me so very thankful for his unending patience.
This house sale is teaching me. He is teaching me.
There is so much of this that is quite simply out of my control.
I truly do need to just be still



>>> Embrace the Camera is a year long challenge in which I agreed to take/have taken and post at least one photo of myself each week for 52 weeks. No editing out the wrinkles or digitally shrinking the waist line or cloning out the growing grey.... real pictures of the real me. Along with the photos comes bits and pieces of my heart- written out here as I walk this journey to capture the real me on camera for the remembering.
Click here for all cumulative weeks of the Embrace the Camera Challenge.

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