and it grabbed me.
Really grabbed me.
Another reminder to be down on my knees thankful for God's abundant blessings in my life.
I read this phrase and I know I have this.
In less than two months time, we will be celebrating nineteen years of marriage.
I'm seriously overthemoon giddy at just the thought of all that is nestled inside that number.
There is no doubt: I love that man more today than I did the day I stood in my white dress, looked him straight in the eye, smiled huge and said, I do.
I still do.
But now I know what the I do means. I've tested the weight of it. Lived in the pain of it. Rejoiced in the joy of it. Rolled with the gut-punches of it. Danced in the confetti throwing, yippee moments of it. Loved in the midst of ever second of it.
I can, without a shred of doubt, say that never once
not even a little bitty bit
Have I ever wanted to change that do to a don't.
And it's only because of a great, great God that I can say that.
God's glue has held us through some horrible times- the loss of a child, financial hardship, extended family crises and more.
I heard it said that "a happy marriage is the union of two forgivers."
I know that to be true.
I also know that to be hard.
We have hurt each other deeply in our marriage.... there are scars on each of us from old wounds. And on really bad days those scars may seem to throb some with the remembering.
We argue, although our kids prefer to call them discussionments.
In the very beginnings of our marriage there was no discussion, just arguments. Most, as in 99%, started by yours truly. I also had a very, sincerely difficult time saying the words, I'm sorry. The thought of those words choked and gagged me those first couple of years. I had the misunderstanding that being sorry meant being weak and being weak meant that man was gonna walk all over me. It wasn't until a few years later that I realized the pain my stubborn heart had caused my husband. I cannot tell you the buckets upon buckets of tears I cried when I realized what I held back from him. What I didn't know I was missing out on. True real love.
You cannot have real, true, down to the depths of yourself love for your spouse without forgiveness being always pulled behind on love's tail end.
It wasn't until I learned to practice the fine art, the healing art, of forgiveness that I learned how very, very much my Jesus loves me. That forgiveness truly does cover a multitude of sins. That right there rocks my world. Completely.
Just like I choose to love my dear Mr. Steady, I choose to forgive him and when I am in the wrong- I also choose to boldly ask his forgiveness of me.
And that is what makes my marriage Beautiful.
Linking to Fellowship Friday at Christian Mommy Blogger