Monday, December 10, 2012

Three Days until...

She turns sixteen in three days.
These verses right here, that I'm about to share are underlined and highlighted in her bible. And written on a scrap of paper she uses for a bookmark. She found the verses early this past summer and said to me, "These verses right here pretty much sum me up."

God made my life complete
    when I placed all the pieces before him.
When I got my act together,
    he gave me a fresh start.
Now I’m alert to God’s ways;
    I don’t take God for granted.
Every day I review the ways he works;
    I try not to miss a trick.
I feel put back together,
    and I’m watching my step.
God rewrote the text of my life
    when I opened the book of my heart to his eyes.
Psalm 18:20-24

My mama heart turns upside down and inside out. How is it that this girl of mine is so wise beyond her years? As the days keep creeping closer to that ohsoveryspecial 1-6 day, I watch her in wonder. A lot like I did when she was first born all those years ago... back in those days, I held her and touched her, rocked her and cooed to her and watched her every move with indescribable joy and amazing wonder. Oh, that God would bless us with such a gift!
She's almost as tall as me now and beautiful. Both inside and out. Her red, red hair has softened and the little curls she had as a toddler have given way to thick, thick waves. Her pretty face is still peppered with freckles and that makes me smile. Oh how I love her freckles. I see my little girl still in the young woman who stands shoulder to shoulder with me.
I see her Daddy in her.... I see me in her....
But most importantly, I see God in her.
Her stalwart faith and steadfast determination to daily follow God's leading amazes me. I often think to myself, I wasn't half this grounded or even half this far in my Christian walk at her age... at her age I was all about boys and fitting in and being popular and getting good grades and the like... following hard after God and prayerfully seeking His will for my life was barely a blip on my radar. I was passing notes and scribbling my name alongside some idiot boy's on scraps of paper at her age, not jotting down a favorite verse that spoke right to the heart of me, like she does.
Her willingness and desire to study the bible and discuss it with me, spurs me on, deeper into my own studies. Her immediateness at going to prayer pushes my own prayers deeper. 
Of course the girl has her faults... she, like her mama, fights against pride and a lack of empathy. Her sense of fairness and desire for justice is sharp. We work together, she and me, to fight our faults and push ourselves past our comfort zones. I have always known parenthood would have many teachable moments for me, I just never realized how much my children would grow me and in what ways.

When this daughter of mine was brand new and I rocked her in my arms, I was so profoundly grateful for the gift He gave me that my heart felt like it would quite simply burst from the joy. Having lost our first child, I knew a deeper gratitude, had a deeper understanding of the wonder I held in my arms. It both excited and down right petrified me. In fact, it still does.

And so here I sit, three days away from her sweet sixteen.
Well aware of how He put me back together and rewrote the text of my life. I pray that I... that me and mine, will stay alert to God's ways and not take Him for granted. That we will daily, together and in our own quiet times, review the way He works and the work He is doing in our lives. I pray that the books of our hearts will always remain open before His eyes.

linking this gratitude to Ann's Multitude Monday....


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