But what about the middle?
The middle of the middle- the every day mundane, eating, sleeping, working, playing living life?
He's there too but we don't always open our eyes to see and welcome Him there.
We just go about "business as usual".... perhaps on these mundane days we forget to give thanks, forget to pray, simply forget to take a few moments for quiet time... after all, it's just an ordinary every day, why bother Jesus with your every day?
Since I started jotting out and totting up my thankfuls, I see my Jesus more clearly in my every day.
Which is perhaps a bit of why these verses simply sing right to the very deepest parts of me:
So here's what I want you to do, God helping you:
Take your everyday, ordinary life—
your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—
and place it before God as an offering.
Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him.
Don't become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking.
Instead, fix your attention on God. You'll be changed from the inside out.
Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it.
Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity,
God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you.
Romans 12:1-2 MSG
Each day I am learning to love this life I'm living more and more. I'm learning a love that is deeper, truer, wider and crazier than I ever imagined. Since I truly let go of the micromanaging and let God go ahead and design the ins and outs of this life per His specialty-- I have tasted true freedom.
The freedom of being me.
because He loves this messy me that I am.
And whispers it to me daily... even on the middle of a ho-hum, everyday, ordinary Wednesday.
I live my life loud.
I live my life messy and free.
I live my life out for this audience of One-- living loud, messy and free for Him.
And I find that marvelously and ohsovery awesomely cool and down right refreshing.
Yeah, I still struggle with the people-pleasing syndrome... but I no longer question my worth- equating it with how much or many people like me or are pleased with my performance(s).
There are days when I am grim and grumpy... without good reason. I try not to wallow in them but at the same time I no longer try to hide those days and put on a good-girl happy-go-lucky mask.
That mask never fit right anyway.
I have learned this---> It's okay to not be okay.
I like that.
Just because my Jesus is in my every day doesn't mean that every day is gonna be okay. That there won't be grim and grumpy days. And while I hope it means those types of days will be fewer I don't let those days bring the guilt cloud over me- hovering like a grey gloom any longer.
They are what they are and I focus to see the good in the gloomiest grumpiest days... and that good in those hard days is a bit of goldness written down in my thankful list. It's often the hardest won gratitudes that I am most thankful for....
I am reminded of the beginning lyrics of the song Forever Reign:
You are good, You are good when there's nothing good in me
That song has become my anthem this summer- as I learn to let go of more and more pieces of me, giving God access to all of me and allowing Him to radically and methodically chip away at me- to my very core. This journey I'm on with Him isn't without its suffering but I know without a doubt that a difficult day with Jesus beside me is better than any day spent without Him.
My grandfather use to say, "God is still God. And He is still good."
I understand that statement now as an adult in the ways that escaped me as a child and teen.
He is always good even when my circumstances aren't.
He always loves, even when I feel like I can't.
He quite simply, IS.
And so when I'm not okay- He is still God.
When I'm grim and grumpy- He is still God.
When there is nothing good in me- He is still God.
When all else gives way beneath me- He is still God.
And when it's just a ho-hum everyday Wednesday- He still IS.
Still is with me. Enjoying me and my messy, loud, crazy God-filled, all because of Him good life.
He is my everyday, walk beside me, carry me through, drag me when necessary Jesus and He loves me in my Wednesdays- just as much as my Sundays and Tuesdays and the day I gave my heart to Him and the day I completely sold out to Him... and every single day from my beginning right on up to the day I see Him face to face-- oh the joy topping, Hosanna singing, trust stretching, faith building greatness of this life with Him!
You are more, You are more, than my words can ever say
You are Lord, You are Lord, all creation will proclaim
You are here, You are here, in Your presence I'm made whole
You are God, You are God, of all else I'm letting go