Friday, July 27, 2012

Site Meter and My Giddy Heart

Dear Readers... please, forgive the quietness of late.
I am feeling inside out, upside down and backwards.
My posts have been erratic of late and yet my sitemeter keeps on chugging along thanks to those laundry posts and Pinterest. And I must admit to feeling a  bit undone by that. I've been counting the counter and its been blowing raspberries at me. From the looks of things I get the same number of hits regardless of whether I post or not... and its a lot of hits, over a thousand hits a week, all because of homemade fabric softener and some {albeit wonderful} ways to use vinegar and baking soda besides with your kiddo's volcano. And while that should probably make me want to pat myself on the back, it doesn't. I don't want to just be known for posting about homemade fabric softener, I want to do known for my more meatier posts. To know that the things that matter to me, that strike me and I must write them out... that they somehow or another matter and connect with someone else.
Oh how very selfish of me.
So I've been quiet and I've been pondering and most especially I've been praying.
I've been remembering why I write and why I do so much of what I do... and I want to continue and I want to say, "Lord- if most people only stop here because of my recipe for homemade fabric softener, so be it. So. Be. It. I'm made up of more than a wonderful frugal recipe and I've got much more to say. And even if only a few are listening, I pray its the ones who need the encouragement as much as I need to pour it out and write it down."
And with that said...

For the past two and an half weeks I have been plagued with writers block. I am leaving in a few days for a youth retreat in which I am to speak one of the nights. The theme is Trust. My Word of the Year.
I'll say it again- My Word of the Year.
How apropos.
I didn't say yes, just because it's my word-- I thought it best to trust God on this and so I prayed about speaking and prayed some more and still felt dry on how to convey all I am thinking and feeling and knowing to a group of kids ages twelve to eighteen.
God said Speak.
So I said Yes.
All the while expecting the words to flow on the page just as they have every time before...
and yet here I sit with my opening written and a few notes.
And time is short. Oh so very short.
So I sit at this keyboard for half a day and more nothing.
And I pray.
I reference scripture on trust and read and read and while my heart swells nothing spills onto the page.
Then a few moments ago... I type and this is what pours onto the page:

Dear Lord, I get so caught up in my needs and problems that I sometimes forget that You are the giver of all good gifts and that You meet all my needs. You have assured me that I don't have to live in fear and stress, but I simply need to trust You. So right now I'm bringing all my worries, frets and needs to your feet.I know I don't have all the answers, but I choose to live with confidence and faith because You promise to give me exactly what I need each day.AmenYou keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you,because he trusts in you.
Trust in the Lord forever,for the Lord God is an everlasting rock.
Isaiah 26:3-4
Lord, I simply need to trust You. I need to keep in step with You here- even if we're steppin' slow and I can't see where we're headin'.... that lesson on trust isn't written down on paper yet... it just isn't flowing there. But it IS written on my heart and flowing through me. My knees are knocking... are we really truly gonna "wing it" Lord? Oh my giddy heart.

Oh yes... my giddy giddy heart.
I'm thinkin' Imma gonna be walkin into that room with an opening, some scripture and a few crazy scrawls but that's not all--- I'm going to be walking in with a biggest load of Trust I've ever had the privelege of haulin'... Trust in the One who made me who I am, the One who daily writes my story, the One who knows just what these young people need to hear about trusting Him. I'm takin' the biggest leap I've ever taken with a speaking engagement. I'm going with God and nothing else.
Just a thought- but I'm thinking this is gonna rock.
Trust Him.


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