Thursday, September 8, 2011

Tyranny of Me- prevention needed

This post by Ann Voscamp spoke to me when she first posted it... now in a repost I know it was meant for me today-- as I'm sure it may speak to your heart too.
The line “The only thing that prevents me from praying more is me.” reverberates inside me.
Over and over.
This is so me.
If I don't get up before the kids and carve out that hour of quiet time...
It evaporates.
I find myself fighting my self-will each morning- a war between what I want and what I need.
When I snuggle deeper into the covers and close my eyes, thinking I'll start my prayer and then find myself drifting off to sleep again.
Or when the house's chaos starts right away and I never had a quiet moment and I get caught in the vortex and swallowed by the day.
I am like Ann... pick up one more sock, toss in one more load of laundry...
Thinking that the tyranny of homekeeping is what is keeping me from my quiet time when the reality is worse- Its me...
 “The only thing that prevents me from praying more is me.”
Me and my excuses... they always sound hollow to my own ears, and even before they are uttered they are hollow in my heart.
I am so often my own worst enemy.
I must go to battle against myself and carve out the time... the moments- where it is just Him and just me in all my open brokenness spilling out.

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