Saturday, March 12, 2011

God before us- God between us- 17 years

I opened my eyes this morning, and looked into my husband’s smiling face—I felt his warm strong arms around me and I thought….
Seventeen years hasn’t been enough—hasn’t even come close to being near enough time….
It hasn’t been nearly long enough to love as deeply as I know is deep inside me— to learn all that there is to know about him— to find more and more ways to love him….
It just hasn’t been nearly long enough in our quest we promised to take on 17 years ago today…. When we promised to become as one flesh.
Today I can’t help but look back on this span of years- to think on all that has gone on, developed…. All that we’ve been given and the things we have lost. How we’ve grown individually and together….. Oh, the ways we have grown together! The joys and the sorrows that we’ve experienced that have forged a bond between us much deeper than I had imagined when I stood there looking into his eyes and said I Do to tying the whole entire rest of my life to his.
I look into his eyes today and I completely know the secret that keeps our marriage thriving….

In fact it goes like this in my mind:

God before us
God between us

One thing I didn’t quite get when we were first married was to love God more than I loved my husband. I can’t quite say why this was such a foreign concept to me, but it was and more than that- I was miffed at my dear hubby because he had it right. I was jealous that he loved God more than me- even now that notion is crazy when I write it. It saddens me to say that it took me a few (well, perhaps more than a few) years to figure it out. Oh, the change when I did! Our marriage clicked on a level I’d never experienced before—a wonderfulness beyond my imagining.
God between us- I got this concept a bit quicker than God before us although they both work best hand in hand. Really the best hand in hand. Putting God in the middle of our marriage has prevented a lot of hurtful arguments and has grown us in ways I cannot quite put into words. When I realized early on that I was taking every pain and concern first to my husband…. Oh what a revelation it was- like a brick upside the head- when I realized that I needed to go to God first with my problems, pains and concerns and filter it all through Him before taking it to my husband. It wasn’t that I was learning to deal with situations on my own but that I was learning to lean more on God than on myself or the fallible human being I married. That makes more of a difference than one would expect. I kid you not.
God has a way of putting things into perspective like no one else plus He’s got the strong, perfect shoulders that are made for bearing such burdens. Neither I nor my husband were made for bearing the completeness of our own or each other’s burdens-- we will always collapse under the weight of it all.
Unfortunately for me, I still screw it up and sometimes circumvent God and make some big  messes….
Which leads me to being thankful that God has gifted me with a wonderful, forgiving husband that continually loves me in spite of me. Who continues to exemplify a human version of God’s unfailing, unconditional love to me over and over and over again…. A man that gets it—That gets Ephesians 5:25 to love his wife as Christ loves the church—totally and completely being willing to lay down his life for her. This is the man God has gifted me.

As our marriage grows in years and time, I continue to have these moments when I am completely undone by the love this man lavishes on me.
I look in his eyes and for a moment- a brief blip of time… I see the me he sees reflected in his eyes and I am undone.
I am loved beyond my wildest imagining. In those moments I see me the way he sees me.
I see beautiful that takes ones very breath away.
I see a woman of strength and integrity.
I see a cherished treasure of priceless worth.
I see the woman that I daily want to live out and be…. All right there in his eyes.
This completely unravels me…. Part of me threatens to freak out thinking I can never live up to this- thankfully it is only a tiny part that is quickly overridden by the truth. What I see in his eyes is unvarnished truth. He purposes to see the best in me and support that best so it grows and spills over into all areas of my life. When I see this in his eyes I am seeing a small part of how God sees me.... how God loves me! Imperfect me!
And I’m a puddle of mush, overwhelmed and humbled that the One who created the universe loves me more fiercely than this man He’s given me. My mind simply cannot quite grasp the explosive significance of this.
I look at him and I pray… a simple breath prayer….
I pray that when he looks into my eyes the reflection there of him is the same.
This is the way I feel, the way I see.
This is the unvarnished truth.
Only God could love this man more than I do.


  1. Wow. I just found your blog... and I needed to hear this post today! Thanks a bunch!

  2. Oh, thank you so much for your kind words. It just reread what I wrote and it is more truer than true today than it was over 18 months ago!



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